The best way to benefit from an argument is to avoid it!

Last week, I had call with my parents, during the call, we talked about my daughter. My dad asked me if my daughter could ever speak a sentence. I said :” No, she can only say 2 words each time.” My dad felt very surprise and told me one thing happened in last Oct.

Last Oct, when my daughter is 16 months old, my mom took my daughter, back to my hometown, and spent 1 month there.  At that time, my daughter cannot even say a complete word like “mama”. My mom and dad tried very hard to teach her to speak, but she seldom opened her mouth to say a word.  One day, my dad lost his patient, and shouted at my daughter :” If you continue to keep silent, I will take you to the doctor, and put you on drops.” According to my dad, my daughter should felt very scared, and her eyes were full of tears. The next day, the magic happened – according to my dad, my daughter began to say something like “bobo”, “Shushu”, etc.

After my dad told me this, he felt very proud. However, I do felt that he is wrong and said directly:” No, you are wrong! Different Kids have different gives and talents. We should not push them so hard, as long as it meets the average level.” Right after I finished, I could feel his face got red even thought we are talking through telephone.  My dad said unhappily:”Why your standard is so low? Just meet the average? You know, you can speak full sentences right on 12 months old? You need to shout on your daughter, and let her know she need to speak, otherwise, she will get nothing!” “No Dad!, It is wrong! What the books regarding to the children’s education are telling us we need to let the child feels happy, and discovery their own ability and interest, don’t push them. They way you did is just like the what the traditional Chinese fable :’ 拔苗助长’” My Dad said :” I am busy, I don’t have the time to read. And even I had a time, I will definitely do not read these kind of books. We don’t have a command ground. Anyway, she is your daughter; you can choose whatever way you like! It’s none of my business!”

With this case, I do think the #10 & 11 Dale Carnegie principle works:

#10 : The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. If I can switch to some other topic last time I called with my dad, we will not have such an argument.

#11: Show respect for the other person’s  opinion, Never say, “ You’re wrong.” If didn’t say directly to my dad, he could feel better, and will not end the call in this way.

GOAWAYCOMEBACK COMMENTS:

If we put a fresh egg into the boiled water, what will happen? Its soft inside liquid will change into hard substances.

It’s the same for the hot water of argument with emotion and ego, people turn harder inside and confrontation started.

Sometimes, when we are too eager to right the wrong, we tend to double the wrong. So if we are emotional towards others mistakes, maybe we’d better hold our tongues until our emotion under control and deal with it later.

卡内基训练简介：https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8QOnBFFWDU0