Good morning,
​It was a typical November afternoon in my junior year. The AC in Mr. Killian’s room was droning like the forever haunting noise in Muthiah when we take exams. I was having a conversation with Mr. Killian as I often do after one of his classes. Occasionally between the pauses, I could hear people in the courtyard crushing dry leaves under their feet and the middle schoolers smashing into the doors to get into the hallway.
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The sky was gloomy, so was the rest of that day. I seemed to be more homesick that day than catching the common cold in November. I was really missing my family in China. I needed something familiar, something that reminded me of home. It was breakfast. I said to Mr. Killian, “I can’t even find my favorite breakfast buns here.”
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I think he could tell I was missing home so instead of commenting on what might have seemed like a trivial concern, Mr. Killian paused as he always does before he speaks. He nodded with his head slightly tilted to the side, and put his hand up. Then he asked me a question, “Not a single Asian grocery store around Atlanta carries them?”
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I shrugged and said, ”From those ones I visited, not really.”
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Mr. Killian then asked another question, “Of all the grocery stores across America, do you think you will find them at some place?”
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Without much thought, I replied “I don’t know, I haven’t been to all of them yet.” He just smiled and noded, then continued his questions, “So if you try hard enough, do you believe you will find it eventually?”
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I could feel a light bulb flip on above my head and I said “Aha, first, let me try very hard.”

You all may be wondering: why am I telling you a story in which I am totally being a whiny girl complaining about breakfast choices? During my junior year, it was the first time I started to question the true meaning of why I came to America. My parents made enormous sacrifices for me to be here. Aside from the financial expenses, they gave up years of having me with them every day and the joy of watching me grow from a teenager to an almost adult, so that I could have access to more opportunities. In those busy and chaotic days during junior year I was afraid that what I gained was not worth my parents’ sacrifices. Figuring out what does that green light mean to Gatsby was not enough; getting involved at Walker was not enough; improving my leadership skills and becoming more confident was still not enough. I was at a loss when I asked myself the question: what has my American experience really taught me? That conversation prompted me to actively search for the meaning rather than continue to torture myself with doubts.
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But I know I was not the only one. All of us have doubted our goals at some point. We were never sure if they were realistic enough. Like we read in The Great Gatsby, we sometimes ask ourselves: will we be ceaselessly pushed back into the past even if we run faster and stretch our arms farther? It is like you are swimming in a 100-meter breaststroke race. Your head is underwater, and your vision is slightly blurred. Other than the occasional gurgling sound of water, you are immersed in complete silence. Everytime you come out of the water to breathe, for that half of a second you become aware of the surroundings again, but in an instance you will have to go back into the silence and remain unaccompanied for the most of the journey.
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In water you can hardly hear your own heartbeat, not to mention knowing the direction you are heading to. You start to ask yourself: How far have I gone? How fast is the person in the next lane moving? How long do I have left? With help from your goggles, you may gain a slight idea. Yet most of the time, what truly matters is your internal measure. So instead, you ask yourself: Am I happy that I have gone this far? Am I faster than I was yesterday? Am I excited about the rest of journey that lies ahead of me?
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Let me give you another example. Our fellow classmate Ben Kraieski, or the Kraize as we know him, faced many criticisms when he first started to rap. He told me that people were saying: “You can’t rap.” “I can’t even understand what you are saying.” “Your music sucks.” But to Ben, music is very important to him because it is his only outlet of expression. He did not let criticisms and doubts slow down his pursuit of becoming the next Eminem, so he protected his passion for rapping and continued delivering albums for himself, and of course, for us the fans.
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In both cases, what truly motivated the hypothetical swimmer and Ben were their acceptance of their own pace of growth and the genuine joy they experienced. These internal measures are the keys to finding that meaning.
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You may ask, what exactly am I trying to say when I use the word “meaning”? I am talking about what I call the “best fit” dream. “Best fit”? Sounds very Mr. Clarky right? Trust me, I have seen each of us with distinctive talents and fortes. Among the class of 2016, there are amazing athletes, mathematicians, artists, linguists and instrumentalists. Since we are born with these unique talents, there must exists a unique dream that suits each of us more than anyone else. If you have already encountered that best fit dream, I encourage you to stick with it. If you want to join a non-profit organization to help fight injustices, then do it. If you want to become a world class ballerina, then do it. If you want to push the frontier of artificial intelligence, then do it. But if you are one of the many high school students that have not encountered that best fit dream yet, that is okay. This is where the search begins. Sometimes you will find inspirations from observing others’ sincere passions. And keep in mind; some of those dreams maybe beyond your imagination right now, so never limit how big you can dream. Remember, the “best fit” dream is what matters to you the most, not the others.
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Now of course, as you mature, you will change and so will your dreams. Embrace change as you continue your search. If doubt ever creeps in, sweep it away with your internal confidence. If you feel alone on the search, trust me you will not be the only dream chasers. If the best fit dream seems to be at the end of a rainbow and completely out of reach, believe that you will one day grasp it. My favorite Chinese proverb summarizes my final thought if you blossom, the breeze naturally will come, and the fragrance will carry itself out into the world.
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Class of 2016, I hope we always have the biggest best fit dream and the most colorful journey. To all of you congratulations.
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Thank you.