Caring Parents through Close Conversations

How to understand “filial piety”? Some people may say, “I buy a big house for my parents, I give money to my parents, I hire people to take care of my parents.” or “I call them if we are at different cities”…  We do this because we love them and want to buy all they need at their late life. But, is it all what our parents need from us?

I live with my parents and they help take care of my son. I and my husband leave home in the morning with a quick breakfast, and get back at around 7pm with dinner ready on the table.

During the 20-minute dinner time,  I may ask my son about his schooling or other stuffs, or exchange some ideas with my husband, but just not much talks with my parents. After weather, the dish taste, couldn’t find other interesting topics. Sometimes, I was tired and even unwilling to echo what my parents were saying. Weekend afternoon, I watched TV together with my mother, and just talked a little within one hour. Even the limited “precious words” were about the TV show.

I looked at my mother at her side face and could feel the loneliness and unhappiness, so strongly. “What have I done to my parents?” I asked myself. Guilty, helplessness … all came along to me. I even didn’t know how to communicate with my parents and let them know I care about them. Until one day my mother said she would not come back to Shenzhen after the summer vacation.

“Talk more to your parents!” I told myself. Conversation-linking techniques are useful. We can talk about weather – today’s weather, recent weather, what kind of weather you like, then do you like to go to some places where weather you like. We feel close during the conversations, and I am willing to share what happened in my daytime and ask for their thoughts on things that worries my recently. I have more talks with my parents, like “how do you think …?” “You know, today I met …” They feel their importance to us and the respect gained from us. My husband and I like tea. Then, we would like to have my parents to enjoy the Gongfu tea with us, and casual talks can be carried on during the tea time.

Harmony is fostered in the family and we feel, yes, we are family, because we share with and we care about each other.

GOAWAYCOMEBACK COMMENTS:

Between family members and workmates, routine talk of repeated items is not communication by a mere acknowledgement of co-existence in the same space. To communicate, we need to go deeper as the writer did in the article, not only talk about the daily facts, but more about how they feel and what they value. Not just talking for filling the time, but develop more questions from their answer to your last question.