当我儿子15岁时，我希望他知道的15件事。

--Daniel Wong

就在不久前，我的儿子（姑且管他叫Z吧）满一岁了。

有人对我说，孩子的第一个生日意义重大，不单是因为孩子在过去一年里快速地长大了，而是做父母的熬过了一年，这一年中充满了脏尿布、整夜的无眠和无法安抚的啼哭。所以，对所有经过一岁里程碑的父母们，祝贺你们！

当展望Z的未来时，我充满希望。但同时也心存恐惧，为什么？

因为工作的关系，我每年都接触数千个青少年，他们自律、专注、和善、有进取心。

但也有另一个极端，我也接触过愤怒和失控的孩子，甚至在绝望中挣扎，有轻生的念头。

所以我在思考，在未来，Z更容易成为第一群孩子呢，还是第二群？

他会把他的才能用于服务社会吗？

他会成为一个坚定的、有诚信的人吗？

我知道，我去担心Z的未来是于事无补的。所以，我列出了如下15件希望他在15岁时能懂得的事。这样，我和我的妻子，可以在陪伴他的人生路上，心里更有底。

亲爱的 Z，如下15条是写给你的：

1、生活可能会有挫折，可能会让你失望。要继续前行。

这一辈子中，你不总是能得到想要的。我和你妈妈不会买所有你想要的玩具和电子设备。你或许进不了想去的学校，或许找不到想要的工作。

但，这就是生活。去克服这些困难，本身就构成了生活的意义。毕竟，你值得拥有的东西，都不是唾手可得的。所以，要继续前行，成为一个更坚强、更勇敢的男子汉。

2、外人看起来你成功，和你真正的成功，是不一样的。

我们都希望成功，但经常混淆“看起来成功”和“真正的成功”：前者关乎成就，后者关乎贡献；前者是享有声望，后者是持有原则；前者是给人印象深刻，后者是为他人创造价值；前者是拥有更多，后者是贡献更多。前者能做到避免失败，后者能智慧地对待失败。不要满足于看起来成功，要做到真正的成功。

3、去经营和投资最重要的关系

当到了十几岁的时候，你很可能觉得花时间和家人在一起是一件“很不酷”的事情（我当时也是这么认为的！）。但是要记住我和你妈妈随时都在为你守候。我们无条件地爱你，珍惜一家子在一起的时间。在你的一生中，都要去经营投资最重要的关系。不要因太忙的原因而忽略和家庭和亲密朋友之间的联系。

关系的质量，决定了你人生的质量，所以请重视这些关系。

4、给所有你遇到的人以敬意

我用了“敬意”一词，而不是“尊重”，因为有一次你爷爷告诉我：“尊重是必须要有的，但敬意是来自内心的一种态度。”换句话说，不是所有人都能赢得你的尊重，但所有人都值得你去展示出敬意。

给所有你遇到的人以敬意，不管他们的年龄、性别、外貌、职位、社会地位或学历背景。保持礼貌和体贴，不管对方是否值得你尊重。

5、花点时间去思考、梦想和反思

随着你肩负的责任不断增多，你也会变得越来越忙。你有任务要执行，有项目要完成，有杂事要处理，还有很多应尽的义务。

但是，仍然要抽时间去思考、梦想和反思。

想想你现在走的路。想想你要向何方。想想你要做出怎样的贡献。想想值得你感恩的东西。想想你犯过什么错。想想从这些错误中学到了什么。

给自己的人生设定令人振奋的愿景，敢于失败，有冒险的意识且富有激情。永远有远大的梦想。

6、爱护自己的身体健康

当我们年轻的时候，觉得健康是天经地义的，但我们毕竟会老去，我们要爱护自己的身体。

其实这并不难做到。每天要睡足8小时，不要太多的加工食品和含糖饮料，多吃水果和蔬菜，每周要有三次锻炼。研究表明，如果你这么做，就会头脑敏捷，学得更好，也会更开心，工作更有成效。

7、热情不是发现或刻意追求的，而是培养的。

当你步入成年时，我肯定你想要有一个愿意为之付出热情的职业。没人愿意每天早上一睁眼，就不想去工作。但是，事实上有不少人就是这样终其一生的。

要想让你的职业生涯富有成就，你需要理解如下原则：你不是去发现了或者刻意追求了职业热情，你是培养了热情。

这个世界极度复杂，要去发现你的热情所在，几乎不太现实，因为存在太多的可能性。那怎么办呢？你应该去培养自己的热情，是自己在某些有价值的事情上变得优秀，变得与众不同。

所以你要去探索、去服务别人、让人对你印象深刻，这回让你逐步培养出职业热情，让你终身受益。

8、如果别人觉得你有点怪怪的，或者与众不同，都没有关系

你的一生中总会在融入群体方面遇到压力，要尽你自己的意志力去对抗这些压力。融入群体意味着一个人变得庸常。一个庸常的人是怎样的呢？我的一位朋友说：“庸常的人睡眠不足，不定期做运动，饮食不健康，职业成就低，没有很多有价值的关系，同情心不够，不慷慨，也不快乐。你确定要成为庸常的人吗？”

如果你不愿意庸常，那么，根据定义，你就是个“怪人”。但这没有关系。

在整个世界里，只有一个独特的你。不要浪费你的生命，去成为另外一个人。

9、完善人格，比完善履历更重要

当你再大一些之后，旁人就会给你很多完善履历的建议：

--去争取这个领导岗位

--去做更多社区服务

--选修这门课

--去做这个实习生

这些建议都不错。但要记住，完善履历只能带来短期的成功，完善人格才能引向永久的成功。你是什么样的人，比你懂得什么、能做什么，要重要得多。

把你的时间，花在如何让你成为一个更有勇气、更有同情心、更大度、更懂得感恩、更有耐心和毅力的人。这是你永远不会后悔的“时间投资”。

10、你的习惯，决定了你未来的成功

Horace Mann曾经说过：“习惯好比是一根缆绳, 我们每天去为它增织一根线，最终变得坚不可摧。”

你的习惯对人生的影响，大过你的智力和能力。

想想你的人生目标是什么，什么样的习惯才能保证你达到这个目标？你是否已经开始培养这样的习惯？如果没有，接下来你应该怎么做？

从小做起，从每天有所行动做起。

当然，好的习惯不是一蹴而就的，需要一天一天的持续努力。

11、如果你犯了错，请道歉

每个人都会犯错，问题在于：犯错之后你怎么做？

很多人会推卸责任、编造接口、或者玩失踪。很少人会为自己的行为负责，更少人能做到谦卑地道歉。

要成为这样的极少数人，要敢于说：“这是我的错。我做错了。我很抱歉。我能做什么补救？”

这样你就可以赢得别人的尊重。更重要的是，你也因此而获得了自尊。

12、成为一个守信的人

要毫无例外地信守承诺，对不起眼的事情也应如此：要守时、按期完成工作、家务琐事要做好。

通过小事情可以证明你是否在大事情上值得信赖。所以，不要忽视那些不起眼的、平凡的事情。

无论是私人关系还是专业生涯上，失败经常来自于失信 -- 也就是没有做到他们承诺要做的事情。

你不要成为那样的人，要成为一个守信的人，这样你才会被信任、被尊重、被爱戴。

13、你的态度，是最宝贵的财富

你的知识、能力和人品，确实是宝贵的，但是你的态度，是最宝贵的财富。

所幸的是，你的态度完全取决于你自己。如果你想要有良好的态度，你就能做到，只是需要时间和努力而已。

要提高你的态度，应该进行正向的思维。和高人相处，培养感恩之心，阅读励志的书籍，少看电视，称赞他人，多写“谢谢你”的便签。

记住John Maxwell的箴言：“你的态度，决定了你的高度。”

14、成功的秘诀，在于做别人都不愿意做的事

这条原则，适用人生的各方面。很多人不愿意：

--设定明确的目标，并写下来。

--学习教学大纲之外的知识

--不想被认为自己是哑巴而提问

--自愿参与教育研习会或论坛

--要专心做事的时候关掉手机

--为了减少分心而删掉手机里的游戏

--在对别人做错事实请求原谅

毫无疑问，做这些事是有难度的。但是要想成功，你必须做这些难事儿。

你必须要做这些别人不愿意做的事情。

15、快乐不是一种感受，而是一种选择

常言道，草地的另一边不会更绿，更绿的是你浇灌的这一片。

如何去浇灌你人生的草地，如何在人生旅途中发现快乐？要做出正确的选择，应该：

--坚持

--成为一个真正成功的人，而不是看起来成功

--去投资最重要的关系

--花时间去思考、梦想和反思

--关心自己的健康

--培养热情

--培养好的习惯

--有正确的态度

--做别人不愿意做的事情

我亲爱的儿子，人生在你面前展开，希望你选择快乐，希望你追求卓越，并且，最重要的，希望你选择有勇气、有贡献、有担当的人生。

爸爸 

15 things I want my son to know by the time he’s 15

By Daniel Wong | SingaporeScene – Tue, May 5, 2015

Not too long ago, my son (I’ll call him Z) turned one.

Someone once told me that your child’s first birthday is a momentous one. Not mainly because your child has developed so much over the past year … But because you, as a parent, have survived one whole year of dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and uncontrollable crying.

So congratulations to all the parents out there who have passed this milestone!

When I envision Z’s future, I’m hopeful. But I’m also afraid.

Why?

Because, through my work, I get to interact with thousands of teenagers every year. I’ve worked with teenagers who are disciplined, focused, kind, and enterprising.

But at the other extreme, I’ve also worked with teenagers who are angry and out-of-control. Some of them even struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts.

So I wonder …

Will Z become more like the first group of teenagers described above, or the second?

Will he use his talents in the service of society?

Will he become a person of unwavering integrity?

I know that worrying about Z’s future won’t change anything. So, inspired by this article, I decided to list 15 things I want him to know by the time he’s 15. This way, my wife and I will be more intentional about the life lessons we pass on to him.

Dear Z, this list is dedicated to you:

1. Life will frustrate and disappoint you. Press on.

In life, you won’t always get what you want.

Your mummy and I won’t buy all the toys and electronic devices you want. You might not get into the school you want. You might not get the job you want.

But that’s life.

Overcoming these challenges is what makes life meaningful. After all, nothing worth having or achieving ever comes easy. So press on, and you’ll emerge a stronger, braver person.

2. Looking successful is different from being successful.

We all want to be successful. But we often confuse looking successful with being successful:

- Looking successful is about achievement. Being successful is about contribution.

- Looking successful is about prestige. Being successful is about principles.

- Looking successful is about impressing others. Being successful is about adding value to others.

- Looking successful is about owning more. Being successful is about giving more.

- Looking successful is about avoiding failure. Being successful is about failing intelligently.

Don’t settle for looking successful, when being successful is what you actually want.

3. Invest in the relationships that matter most.

During your teenage years, you’ll probably think that spending time with your family is “uncool”. (I know I felt that way as a teenager!)

But remember that your mummy and I are here for you. We love you unconditionally, and we treasure all the time we spend together as a family.

Throughout your life, invest in the relationships that matter most. Don’t ever become too busy that you neglect your relationships with your family and close friends.

The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life, so prioritise these relationships.

4. Show honour to everyone you meet.

I use the word “honour” instead of “respect”, because of what your grandmother once said to me:

“Respect must be earned, but honour is an attitude of the heart.”

In other words, not everyone will earn your respect, but everyone deserves to be shown honour.

Show honour to every person you meet, regardless of their age, gender, appearance, job title, social status, or educational qualifications. 

Be polite and considerate, whether or not you respect the person.

5. Make time to think, dream, and reflect.

As you take on more responsibilities, you’ll become busier. You’ll have assignments to do, projects to complete, errands to run, and other obligations to fulfill.

But make time to think, dream, and reflect.

Think about the path you’re on.

Think about where you want to go.

Think about what kind of contribution you want to make.

Think about the things you’re thankful for.

Think about the mistakes you’ve made.

Think about what you’ve learned through making those mistakes.

Create an inspiring vision for your life. Dare to fail. Live with a sense of adventure and enthusiasm. And always dream big.

6. Take care of your physical health.

When we’re young, we take our health for granted. But age will eventually catch up with us, so we must take care of our health.

It isn’t complicated.

Sleep eight hours a night. Avoid processed foods and sugary drinks. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Exercise at least three times a week.

Do these things and, as the research shows, you’ll think and learn better. You’ll also be happier and more productive.

7. Passion isn’t found or pursued. It’s cultivated.

When you reach adulthood, I’m sure you’ll want to have a career you’re passionate about.

Nobody wants to wake up every morning, dreading the thought of going to work. But somehow, many people end up like that.

To have a fulfilling career, you must understand this principle: You don’t find your passion or pursue it. You cultivate it.

The world is astonishingly complex, so it’s almost impossible to find what you’re passionate about. There are just way too many possibilities.

The alternative?

To cultivate passion by becoming excellent at something meaningful, which makes a difference in the lives of others.

So start exploring, start serving others, start impacting lives. Do this and you’ll cultivate a passion that will serve you well for the rest of your life.

8. It’s okay to be weird or different.

Throughout your life, you’ll face the pressure to fit in. Resist that pressure with every ounce of your willpower.

Fitting in is about being average. But what’s the average person like?

A friend of mine once said to me:

“The average person doesn’t get enough sleep, doesn’t exercise regularly, doesn’t eat healthily, doesn’t have a fulfilling career, doesn’t have many meaningful relationships, isn’t very compassionate or generous, and isn’t very happy. Are you sure you want to be average?”

If you’re not average, then – by definition – you’re weird.

And that’s okay.

In the entire world, there’s only one of you. Don’t waste your life trying to be someone you’re not.

9. Building your character is more important than building your résumé.

As you get older, people will give you plenty of advice on how to build your résumé:

- “Take up this leadership position.”

- “Do more community service.”

- “Enrol in this course.”

- “Work on this project.”

- “Do this internship.”

None of this is bad advice.

But keep in mind that résumé-building leads to temporary success, while character-building leads to permanent success. Who you are matters more than what you know, or what you can do.

So invest your time in things that will make you a person of greater courage, compassion, generosity, gratitude, patience, and perseverance.

This is an investment you’ll never regret.

10. Your habits determine your future success.

As Horace Mann once said, “Habit is a cable. We weave a thread of it every day, and at last we cannot break it.”

Your habits will impact your life more than your intelligence or abilities ever will.

Think about your goals. What habits are required to reach those goals? Have you already developed those habits? If not, what steps will you take in the coming days and weeks?

Start small and take action daily.

After all, great habits aren’t built in a day; they’re built day by day.

11. When you make a mistake, apologise.

Everybody makes mistakes. The question is: What will you do after you make a mistake?

Many people will push the blame, cook up excuses, or run away.

Few people will take responsibility for their actions, and even fewer will be humble enough to apologise.

Be one of those people. Dare to say, “It’s my fault. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. How can I make amends?”

By doing this, you’ll earn the respect of others. More importantly, you’ll earn self-respect.

12. Be a man of your word.

Keep your promises and commitments, without exception. This applies to the small things too: being punctual, sticking to deadlines, doing the household chores.

It’s in the small things that you prove you can be trusted with bigger things. So don’t despise the mundane or the insignificant. 

Every broken relationship in our personal and professional lives begins with a broken promise – someone who didn’t do what they said they’d do.

Don’t let that “someone” be you. Be a man of your word, and you’ll be trusted, respected, and admired.

13. Your attitude is your most valuable asset.

Your knowledge, abilities, talents, and personality are valuable assets. But your attitude is your most valuable one.

The good news is that your attitude is completely up to you. If you want to develop an excellent attitude, you can. It just takes time and effort.

To improve your attitude, think positive thoughts. Hang out with awesome people. Cultivate a spirit of gratitude. Read inspiring books. Watch less TV. Compliment others. Write thank-you notes.

And remember these wise words from John Maxwell: “Your attitude determines your altitude.”

14. The key to success is doing what other people aren’t willing to do.

This principle applies in every area of life. Most people aren’t willing to:

- Set specific goals and write them down

- Learn information that’s outside the syllabus

- Ask questions for fear of looking dumb

- Voluntarily attend educational workshops and seminars

- Put their mobile phone away when they’re trying to focus

- Delete the games on their mobile phone to reduce distractions

- Ask for forgiveness when they’ve wronged someone

Without a doubt, doing these things is hard.

But to achieve enduring success, you must be willing to do hard things. You must be willing to do the things that others aren’t willing to do.

15. Happiness isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice.

As the saying goes, the grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.

How do you water the “grass” of your life, and find happiness in the process?

By making the right choices …

Choosing to persevere (Point 1).

Choosing to be successful, instead of look successful (Point 2).

Choosing to invest in the relationships that matter most (Point 3).

Choosing to make time to think, dream, and reflect (Point 5).

Choosing to take care of your physical health (Point 6).

Choosing to cultivate passion (Point 7).

Choosing to develop the right habits (Point 10).

Choosing to have the right attitude (Point 13).

Choosing to do what other people aren’t willing to (Point #14).

My dearest son, you have your whole life ahead of you. May you choose to be happy. May you choose to pursue excellence. And, most of all, may you choose to lead a life of courage, contribution, and commitment.

Love always,

Daddy

Daniel Wong is a learning and teen expert, and is also the bestselling author of “The Happy Student”. Download his FREE e-book, “16 Keys To Motivating Your Teenager”.