When Rape Flowers Bloom (6)
Swannlee-126 01/21 8806
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When Rape Flowers Bloom
By Swann Lee
Chapter 6
I run far into the winter fields and roam aimlessly on the earthy banks in the cold blue night, like a lost ghost. By the time when the sun peeps over the woods by the river, fuzzy like an egg yolk in steam, I am still clueless about what to do next. Shall I go ask Chunyang or Linlin if her family can take me in during the nights? What if they ask me why? What shall I say then? In the thin white mist shrouding the fields, the bamboo groves and trees seem to be swaying gently in water. In the distance two crows are cawing on a bare old tree.
A Yuan Dynasty verse that Teacher Chen has taught us in the Chinese class comes to mind:
Dry vines, old tree, sleepy crows.
Stone bridge, flowing creek, households.
Ancient road, west wind, thin horse.
A sun setting low.
A heartbroken man at the end of the world.
I begin to run towards the primary school. I will ask Teacher Chen if she can take me in. I will ask her not to tell anybody about it. She is an educated woman. She will understand.
It is during the winter break and the campus is empty. I go to Teacher Chen’s home among a row of brick bungalows and knock on the door. No one answers. I knock again. Still no one answers. I squat on the ground with my back against the door, not knowing where to go or what to do.
Before long, a door about twenty steps away creaks open and a young man walks out, carrying two tin buckets on a pole balanced on his right shoulder. It is Teacher Zhang! He is wearing a freshly washed and ironed white shirt. I want to run away, but he has seen me.
“Hua, what are you doing here?” he asks. “Teacher Chen has left to visit her mother’s home. I’m only here because my home is too far away.”
He walks toward me and smiles at me as usual. I can smell the soapy fragrance on him. No, I can’t tell him what happened to me. I am not pure anymore, am I?
He squats beside me.
“You look so pale,” he says. “I was going to get water from the tap. Now that you’re here, do you want to visit me for a few minutes?”
In a trance, I stand up and walk in front of him. He opens the door to his room. I step in. There are a lot of books in his room, neatly organized on the shelf and the desk. He hands me a warm glass of jasmine tea. I sit on his bed and begin to cry. He sits still for a few minutes. As my crying gets louder and louder, he finally takes me in his arms to comfort me. I can smell the warm sunshine in his shirt. Where does the sunshine smell come from in this long winter?
“Tell me what happened to you,” he says gently. “When we were walking here, I saw… blood stains on your pants. You’re still too young to have a period, aren’t you?”
I almost faint from shyness, being talked to about periods by the young man whom I admire the most in the world. It is as if we were already a couple, discussing something as private as this. I shake my head.
He holds the glass and feeds the sweet tea to me. I swallow, one gulp after another. The warmth from the tea travels around in me. I begin to feel better.
“What happened to you, Hua?” Teacher Zhang asks. “You’re a talented girl. I hate to see you like this. Tell me. I’ll try my best to help you.”
“Teacher Zhang,” I say, feeling sour in my nose, “I am…all right. Nothing is wrong with me.”
“It’s your Baba, isn’t it? He did something to you.”
“My Baba? No, no, it’s not my Baba, it’s…”
“Who is it?”
“No one, it’s just that I have no place to sleep.”
“Where have you been sleeping?”
“On my brother’s bed.”
“On your brother’s bed. How old is he? How many brothers do you have?”
“Just one. He’s eighteen. He’s getting married soon.”
“You have any sisters?”
“Two.”
“Why don’t you sleep with them?”
“The problem is, Teacher Zhang, we don’t have enough quilts in the house. One quilt can’t cover all three girls, so I’ve been sent to sleep with my brother.”
“You need a quilt? I can find you a quilt. But is that all?”
“Well, yes… I mean, no, we don’t have enough beds, either. I’m too big now to share the bed with my sisters.”
“So it’s your brother,” Teacher Zhang says after a brief pause.
“No.”
“It’s either your Baba or your brother. Who is it?”
“It’s just…a period. I have started my periods.”
“No way.” Teacher Zhang shakes his head slowly. “A countryside girl, eleven years old, with the kind of food you’re having. That’s impossible.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just remain silent.
“Hua?”
“Yes, Teacher Zhang?” I look up at him.
“You won’t lie to me, will you?”
His eyes are full of disappointment. I hang down my head, not daring to look at him.
“So, you will go back to that bed tonight, Hua?”
“No!” I realize my mistake, but it’s too late.
“So it is indeed your brother, just like I thought. Am I right? And you don’t want to go back to that bed ever again, yes?”
“Ye…..yes.” My voice sounds as faint as a mosquito’s humming.
After a long moment of silence, I steal a look at Teacher Zhang. He is staring at a corner in the room, looking angry for the first time since I have known him. I feel touched that he seems to care about me so much.
“Don’t worry, Hua,” he says under heavy breathing. “I’ll find a way to help you.”
He pours one more glass of tea for me. Then he begins to stir-fry steamed rice with scrambled eggs. After we eat, he lets me rest on his bed and reads passages from the Soviet novel, How is the Steel Smelted? to me. In the dwindling afternoon light, his face looks brighter and brighter, the way I imagine the heroes in the book look like: resolute, brave, and glorious. I know Teacher Zhang could have enjoyed a comfortable life in a big city. Instead he chose to come to this little village to be a teacher, to people’s bewilderment. Now I think I know why: he must have wanted to feel like one of those heroes in the novel. And to me he is a real hero, beside whom I feel so safe and humble. I look at him whenever his eyes are focused on the book.
When we both wake up from the world in the novel and startle at the complete darkness outside the window, I jump off his bed, not sure where to go. He paces the floor in his small room for a few minutes, and then asks me to go home, assuring me that he will find a way to help me.
