Stephen :

I'm so sad to hear about another suicide among our young people!!! It was one too many!!! Thanks for your caring and insightful sharing.

Yes, our relationship with our children is crucial despite the possible generational and acculturation gap between us. Enough sleep/rest, social outlet and physical exercises are some of the critical factors to their health and mental health.

Like some of you said, academic success doesn't guarantee a good job or a happy life. A whole-person development (e.g., physical, emotional, intellectual, social, moral, spiritual, etc.) would help them for life.

西西:

最近几起自杀事件让我们震惊。我们一直在思考怎样帮助我们的孩子身心健康地成长, 预防自杀的发生。我有个问题, 像自杀这样的事情, 能不能和孩子讨论, 能讲多少, 能和多大的孩子讲?

Stephen:
Great questions! It is always wise to have a good relationship with your child so you can educate them about important emotional health issues. Depending on the maturity and age of the child, talking about depression and suicide is not a bad thing, but the parent has to know what s/he is talking about. So learning more about depression and suicide is the first step. Here are some links:

Suicide Prevention Online Resources:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/suicide-a-major-preventable-mental-health-problem-fact-sheet/index.shtml 

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.sptsusa.org/pdfs/Talking_to_your_Kids_About_Suicide.pdf

https://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide-loss/where-do-i-begin/helping-children-understand

http://www.take5tosavelives.org/

Please learn the information from these websites. Go for more training and always seek professional help when needed.
 

The main purpose of your talk with your child is to let him/her know that you love him/her and s/he can go to you any time when s/he is in trouble.

Whether to talk with your child about suicide now depends on your relationship with him/her, his/her maturity, his/her age, your home and life situations, and other factors in your life.

Be wise in your decision and the timing of your discussion.

When you’re in doubt about what to do, consult your local professionals.

西西:
作为父母, 我们了解得越多, 与孩子沟通效果越好。

Stephen:
Yes, knowledge is power. An average teenager (age 13-19) will comprehend what you want to convey to him/her about depression and suicide.

Paying attention to their emotional and moral health from a very young age is wise. It's like putting money in the bank and you'll reap the interest plus the capital after many years of saving.

西西:
会不会孩子有样学样, 本来没有自杀倾向的孩子, 听多了, 看多了, 就跟着学?

Stephen:
It depends on how you talk with your child. Try not to nag. Just have a sensible conversation with the child at an appropriate age. For example, if your teenager learns about a suicide in his/her school, talk with your teenager about it then.

In your conversation and as often as appropriate, let your child know you love and care for him/her.

西西:
Sensitivity and love are the keys to talk with our kids about those emotional issues.

Stephen:
Yes, they are. You need relationship/emotional capital with your child so they will listen to you. Build a good relationship with them at a very very young age.

西西:
越小年纪, 越能够建立完全的信任关系。所以三岁之前的孩子, 一定要在自己身边, 那是一个Bonding 时期。

Stephen:
Yes, those formative years are years for building attachment between you and your child.

As someone said, we play many roles to our children (e.g., chauffeur, CFO, etc.). It isn't easy especially in a culture that is different from ours; there can be an acculturation gap as well as a generation gap between our children and us. We need to learn to jump over these barriers by learning more about the American culture and by understanding what our children are going through. For instance, living in two cultures--Chinese culture at home and the mainstream American culture outside of home--can be extremely taxing and challenging for them. Trying to meet our expectations of earning good grades and going to certain prestigious universities puts enormous pressure on them.

西西:
在孩子信任你之后, 沟通这些问题对他们是有好处的; 对于情绪已经有异样表现的孩子, 更要尽快沟通, 防不测于未然。 

I like what you said before: "A large number of people believe in that talking will make things worse. In fact, if our children are inclined to commit suicide, talking understandingly with them might open them up and they might let us help them; if they don't intend to end their lives, talking with them will hopefully prevent it from ever happening. In case the conversation doesn't go well, seek some professional help and support as soon as you can."

Stephen: Thanks, 西西