When Rape Flowers Bloom (5)
Swannlee-126 01/18 10514
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When Rape Flowers Bloom
By Swann Lee
Chapter 5
When we arrive at home, all the rooms are dark. We tiptoe into the brick house and crawl into bed without washing our faces. When he tucks the quilt under me near my armpits, I feel strange. After I hear his snores, I fall asleep, but soon I am troubled by a scary dream: a snake is crouching on the ground before me and I dare not run away for fear of its chasing after me. An urgent crying wakes me. After my head clears, I realize it is Datong talking in his sleep.
“Oh, Lifang, Lifang!” he cries.
I begin to guess at the situation. In our area, women always dress in clothes with long sleeves and high collars. Tonight is the first time that Datong sees a woman dressed in so little. I heard that a monk can peacefully live his whole life without touching a woman. But once he touches a woman, he can never live in peace again. Is that what is happening to my big brother? Has he lost his peace?
Suddenly he flings an arm at me, grabs my chest, and begins to run his fingers on my sweater. I freeze, barely breathing.
“Oh, you’re so small,” he grunts. “I guess I’m stuck with two plums.”
He lets go of me, rolls the other way, and begins to snore again. I barely close my eyes for the rest of the night.
In the morning Datong looks normal again. I decide not to tell Mama about it. The first night he sees the dancers must be the hardest. I hope he will soon go back to his usual self.
Still, at night I cannot relax. I sleep at the very edge of the bed, half of my body over the edge. Datong tosses and turns. He flings his feet occasionally as if to kick away something he does not want.
“Ai, I cannot take this,” he sighs.
“Hua.” He sits up. “Maybe you should go sleep with the sisters.”
“All right,” I say.
I pull on my clothes, walk through the yard, and come to the middle room in the front house. I push the door but it is locked. I look at my sisters through the window. In the moonlight, they are sweetly sleeping, covering the whole bed. There is no space for me.
I walk back toward the brick house. I stand outside the door for a long time, not knowing where to go. In the cold winter wind, I keep shaking despite myself. It seems the wind has seeped through my clothes, my skin, and my flesh. My nose begins to run. A loud sneeze escapes me.
“Hua, come in,” I hear Datong say, “or you’ll catch a bad cold.”
I push the door open and walk slowly in. Datong is lying on the red wooden trunk with knees hanging over the edge. He has covered himself with his cotton-padded jacket, two sweaters, and his pants.
“Gege,” I say timidly, “you’ll catch a cold.”
“I’m fine.” He beats a fist against his chest. “Strong as a bull.”
Feeling slightly safer, I crawl into the bed and soon fall asleep after a tiring day. Not knowing when, sudden pangs of pain wake me up. It is so unthinkably painful! A big object is poking the place between my legs and almost tearing it up. It is such a miserable and indescribable feeling, but mostly painful.
“Baba! Mama!” I wriggle, kick my feet and fling my arms up and down. “Save me!”
A big sweaty hand covers my mouth. A breathless voice comes through the darkness. It is Datong’s voice.
“Don’t move, Hua! It’s just me,” he cries. “You will be fine. Just help me, ah, help me!”
I keep twitching in splitting pains, feeling my insides have been poked into a mess.
“Gege, let me go,” I cry, cold sweat drops rolling off my forehead. “I beg you. You’re destroying me.”
“Hua, you’ll be fine. You’ll be fine!” He covers my mouth tighter and grasps my arms to hold me down. “Ah, Good Heavens! There’s nothing like this. Ah, Buddha, Buddha!”
Finally he grunts, releases me and turns the other way. I begin to cry, but each hard breath brings pain. I try to stop, afraid that something in me might break and I will die.
I lie motionless over a cold wet patch. Finally the first pale sunlight wanders into the room and saves me. I get up and see a red spot on the sheet. I put on my clothes and walk slowly out of the room.
In the kitchen, Mama is pouring rice into boiling water, chopped green leaves floating up and down in the pot.
“Mama,” I say. “Mama…”
“What? Hua?” Mama turns to look at me in surprise. “You are up so early?”
“Mama.” I hesitate. “Datong, he…”
“Datong what?” She stops and comes to me. She sits me down on a stool. “He did something to you?”
I begin to wail.
“Mama,” I cry. “He put something in me. I bled.”
The gourd ladle drops from Mama’s hand.
“That beast!” she says, her nostrils suddenly wider.
She picks up a big tree branch from the pile of firewood behind the stove and runs into the brick house. She meets Baba at the door but does not answer his questions. Baba follows her. I follow them.
Mama runs to Datong’s bed, throws away the quilt, and begins to whip him with great force. Datong jumps up and runs around the room in his blue shorts. Mama chases after him and keeps whipping him.
“What’s this? What’s this?” Baba keeps asking.
Datong runs out of the door and into the kitchen. Mama and Baba go after him. I drag myself there as fast as I can.
“She just bled a little bit,” Datong cries. “She’ll soon be fine again.”
Mama stops, panting and sweating.
“She won’t!” she cries and leaps towards him. “You stupid mule!”
Baba grabs her shoulders and pulls her back. She casts an angry glance at Baba. Baba’s lips move but I can’t hear clearly what he is saying.
“Hua, wait outside,” Mama finally says. “We’ll talk to him.”
I walk out and wait in the yard.
It feels like an hour has passed. Suddenly, I hear the kitchen door squeak open. My parents stand at the door looking at me. I search their eyes but am not sure what they are thinking. They wave to me. I walk to them. Baba closes the door after me.
On the kitchen table there is a steaming bowl of poached eggs in clear broth, a cube of rock sugar melting in the bottom, a porcelain spoon resting on the rim. Datong is standing in a far corner with his head hanging down.
“Hua,” Mama says softly, extending a hand to smooth the hair by my ear, “my girl, eat. It helps you recover.”
She sits me down by the bowl. Teardrops roll past my cheeks into the bowl.
“Eat, eat,” Mama says.
I pick up the spoon and scoop up an egg, but feel no appetite. I just hold it and look at my parents.
“Hua,” Baba says, “the first thing I want to tell you is that: you can still find someone who will marry you. There might be something slightly wrong with him, a little deaf, or slightly crippled, but I promise we will find a good man for you, someone who will treat you well. So don’t worry. Second: you won’t get a big belly. You haven’t started…hmm.” he clears his throat. “And third…” He looks like he is searching for words.
“Hua, let me ask you this,” Mama says. “Do you want people to take your brother away and lock him up?”
I think about it, then sheepishly shake my head.
“Good girl,” Mama says. “Next fair day, Mama will buy a jin of sorghum candies just for you. You’re a good understanding girl. We don’t want your brother to be taken away either.”
“Hua, the Song family has been around for a long time.” Baba also extends a hand to smooth the hair by my ear. “We can’t let Datong be the last of the line. You understand?”
I nod. In the countryside, the evilest curse is, “May you die without sons.” That is the worst thing that can happen to any man. I understand why they are worried.
“You know couples can only have one child,” Mama says. She takes the spoon from my hand and feeds the egg into my mouth. Numbly, I take a bite and begin to chew. “Our only hope is that Datong will have a son. If he has a daughter, the Song family is finished. Baba and Mama won’t be able to face the ancestors in the lunar side.”
“It’s important for you to keep this thing secret, Hua. If you tell anyone, people will take Datong away and lock him up for at least thirty years,” Baba says, looking very stern. “The Song family might be finished if you tell anyone, Hua.” He nods at me, his eyes widening.
I take a sip of the sweet broth and think about it.
“Where will I sleep, Mama?” I ask.
“Hua, it’s only a couple of months,” Mama says. “In April, after the wheat is harvested, Mama will buy some cotton and have Pockmark Wang make a new wadding just for you.”
“But now? Where will I sleep?”
“You’ll sleep with us. That silly ass doesn’t know how to be a good brother.” Mama rolls her eyes at Datong in the corner. Datong looks down shamefully.
“Your bed? There’s enough space?” I drop the spoon back into the bowl with a slight “ding.”
“There has to be space.” Baba’s sighs deeply, stands up with hands behind his back, and walks out.
In the night Mama has me sleep next to the wall. She tries to make space for me by lying sideways in the middle. Still, my right leg and arm are squeezed against the wooden rim of the bed. It is uncomfortable, but I manage to fall asleep after a while.
A few nights later, the voice of someone talking wakes me up.
“What’s the matter?” I hear Baba’s impatient, hushed voice.
“I’m having it…that thing, it’s with me,” Mama says in a soft and pleading voice.
After a few seconds, Baba says, “I’ll go easy on you.”
I feel someone climbing on top of Mama. A big hand presses down in the space between Mama and me, squeezing my arm before sliding away. I try not to move, pretending that I am still sleeping. Still, my heart beats faster, worried about what will happen next.
Before long the bed is moving with rhythmical squeaks, a black shadow rustling beside me, back and forth. I feel tight pains in my limbs and in my belly, as I recall what Datong did to me.
“Aiya, Aiya,” I hear Mama moan in pain. Waves of anger surge up in my chest. What a heartless beast Baba is! I become so angry that I can barely breathe. Before I know it, I have sprung up and rammed my head into Baba’s left shoulder.
“Leave her alone!” I hear myself shout.
Mama gasps. I hear Baba hiss, “Stupid girl!” In the darkness a hand lands heavily on my face with a crisp sound. A fingertip hits my left eye and causes sharp pains. In the pale moonshine cast through the clear tile in the roof, I see light reflected off Baba’s naked bottom as he rolls off Mama.
“You shameless cattle!” I leap at him. Mama drags me back.
I struggle free and plunge my teeth into Baba’s arm. Before he can hit me again, I jump off the bed and dash out of the house.
“Why did you have to slap her?” I hear Mama cry to Baba behind me.
