8/24/2016

 

Perhaps if I try, I can capture every frown and smile, every angle of the face, along with the ever changing hair color; I can catch every subtle movement of the body, every tilt of the head (in those "selfies" at the airport or at the dorm lounge) , every lift of the elegant fingers, and every stride of the long legs. Yes if I just exhaust my phone's storage, I can store the confident voice in "did you miss me?" after one night at the dorm, the playful tone in "someone is hitting on me" at the picnic after Convocation, the hearty laughs watching dog videos your brother shared while we all squeezed on the lounge couch, and the lingering annoyance in arguments about which dorm is the most sought after. Yes, if I try, I can freeze those images, movements and sounds in Flickr, Baidu, Facebook, and WeChat.

 

Yet dear, do tell me: how can I ever grab the strength in those fleeting moments of hugs? How can I savor the power in the squeeze of the hands pulling me toward the garden, when I walked away during a temper tantrum? 

 

Do tell me how I can keep feeling the temperature of the skin, the warmth of the embrace, and the weight of the head (or feet) on my shoulders? And how can I keep smelling the scent? Oh did I say the exquisite scent?  That aura of yours? 

 

Do tell me: how can I recapture the tranquility when we watched 偶像剧《大好时光》and half of The Thorn Birds? How can I relive the sentiment when we shared secrets at the 东龙 restaurant？How can I restore the loving gaze when you wiped tears off of your 3 year old niece, or when you fed your 84 year old grandma 萨其马 (brought back from 广州夏令营)？How can I recreate that moment when your 奶奶和彩姨 hugged you in tears？How can I replay the embraces from all those around you（姥姥姥爷爷爷舅妈舅舅大姨月姨亮姐毛姐苗姐威姐张姨王姨刘姨向姨彭姨各位叔叔, just to name a few）？

 

Do tell me: How can I return to the minutes when your brother occupied your dorm twin bed and refused to leave? How can I make a deal with TIME, so it can rewind just a mere 30 minutes, back to 1:30 when you stalled our departure until right before your 2pm meeting? Is that a tiny hint, just a teeny bit of hint, at your reluctance to see us go?

 

Then how can I make a deal with myself, so I can treasure the one more chance to see you, when your ID and keys magically slipped out of your pocket onto our car seats? Yes out of so many years of quick temper and sharp tongue, let me cherish the one moment when I didn't blame your carelessness...

 

On the 8 hour drive back, listening to your speech at the tennis farewell dinner, I suddenly found my answer from your words, your wisdom, as always. You said you didn't believe in farewells, and that you didn't believe that physical separations meant the lack of spiritual presence. 

 

"I don't believe the departure of our physical selves necessarily marks the termination of our mental presence." -- If only I can say it in such eloquent terms. 

 

Well, if only I can exchange the metaphysical with the physical...

 

端端6/16/2016网球队晚宴演讲视频

后记

 

Parents please share this

 

前一阵，一个大学生家长群里有几位妈妈哭哭啼啼，说进不得孩子的房间，我还不以为然。现在终“不能免俗”，用我大学同学的话说 “😄，强大如燕姐儿也未能免俗”，我唯有更甚，感觉自己简直是俗不可耐了。（更多朋友反馈见结尾）

 

华人家长，尤其父亲们，一般不愿physical contact。但实验证明，人跟人的皮肤接触是很神奇的，会引起身体的chemical reaction。在一个图书馆，还书时实验人员假扮的管理员故意大声嚷嚷，但也是故意不经意间touched the readers' hands。最后survey证明，凡是有皮肤接触的，即使语言粗些，那些客人本能地对这些图书管理员评价更高。类似实验也在超市做过。Holding Time是我读过的唯一一本“育儿”书，是行动，非理论。

 

无独有偶，就看到了下文

 

8/24 儿子一直拖延直到最后几分钟才赶往会议室，估计小鸟高飞前也有些舍不得？

终有一别，2pm本已开车离开校园，眼泪还没掉几滴，端端电话说学生证和钥匙从兜底顺出来掉车座上了，又返回去给他送到开会的教室。估计唯一一次享受了这样的马大哈行径。

 

8/22 去北卡路上，我突然大煞风景跟更弟弟说，“Last night marked the milestone in your lives,becuase you brothers part ways" （“昨晚一觉，今晨你哥俩各奔东西，很难再有大块时间了”）竟把弟弟说哭了。前面开车的哥哥直批判我的不合时宜。

 

8/23 弟弟琢磨三年后要申请哥哥打算上研究生的学校。

 

8/25 2am，弟弟要我安慰，我说你写下来吧，他愤然跑哥哥屋去睡了。而我，总算体会出不愿进端端屋子的感受了。